I wait patiently for you to say something.
As if somehow, your words are the rare ingredients
to a brighter day.
I wait patiently for you to see me.
As if somehow, your eyes are the tools that validate my 22 years of being.
But, I wait.
I will always wait.
I’d use my bare hands to heal your wounded body
Hug the very parts of you that are broken
Fuse together every thought
Just to see you breathe one more breath
Happiness will run through your veins.
It will replenish your skin
And your being.
You’ll leave footprints of happiness
And be the you, you once was.
So, it’s 2018 and for the first time I am looking forward to what this year holds. 2017 was a year full of ups and downs but it was the year I experienced what happiness is and I can tell you, it felt good. I hope not only for me but for everyone that you all experience happiness all around this year and that every hope, wish and positive thought graces your life.
I’ve spent 24hrs of my time.
Wondering about what could have been.
Knowing nothing will come of what you started.
And now ill spend another 24hrs.
Wondering if you’ll ever wonder about me.
I hope these scars don’t scare you,
But intrigues you to hear the stories behind them.
if what i see of love today is to be true
then i do not wish to love
nor be loved.
my heart is still healing
from wounds created by
those i have to love.
and i vowed to protect
what little is left.
I am grateful for the people that come by my blog, it may not be many but it is enough and I am forever grateful.
It just sucks that everything I try to put my all into is cancelled out by this over-whelming sadness, and my mind is overflowed with thoughts and memories and everything else. I have tried many times to just sit down and write but…theres nothing. Trying to read gets invaded by a flock of things and I mean things. Sometimes I think I’m the only person who can think about something completely different and not just one things many things all whilst reading, and it sucks. This lonely road I’m taking seems endless, and unfortunately its hurting the areas I love the most.
I mean i barely have the energy to complete basic needs. My speech is slurring and I’m forgetting how to speak, and I feel like I’m just getting angrier and sinking deeper and deeper into a hole and I wish I didn’t open. I don’t have the ladders to help me up out of it anymore, they’re gone (my uni counsellor and doctor).
I am coming back. No doubt about it. I am not giving this up but…right now I just need time to just breathe a little.